I’m going home tomorrow. Back to Maryland after 5 1/2 months in this Midwestern paradise of corn fields, friends and learning. Home, back to a routine different from the one I have so comfortably been living in this college oasis. It’s not as threatening as I might make it sound, but it’s different and requires adjustment. Who likes that?

Ironic, that this week we read Parshat Vayishlach: Jacobs return to his homeland Canaan. While twenty years prior Jacob had left, poor and alone, he returns rich: with four wives, eleven sons, one daughter and vast amounts of wealth.

Jacobs story makes me wonder whether or not I am returning home a changed person. If I have gone through changes – and I believe I have – then they are different from Jacobs. I am no wealthier than when I left, and am coming home with neither wife nor child, thank Gd. But I feel different – in ways which are difficult to describe. I think that in the past few months I have gotten some sort of a grip on reality. I’ve had to man up and deal with mistakes I made last year. I have become closer with some friends, and become distant with others. I have re-prioritized, and solidified many of my beliefs. I have spent so much time re defining me, and figuring out how to get that new image on the right track. Last year was a rollercoaster of amazing experiences and events – but issues arose when bumps in the road were brushed aside by an attitude screaming: “it will all be alright.” Yihyeh b’seder. How Israeli of me.

I have grown into a place where I realize that yes, it will all be all right – in the long run – but only if we (I) deal with problems as they come. I refuse to be like Jacob anymore. Jacob who waited 20 years to settle the score with his brother Esau, but had to do so eventually in order to return home.

I have begun, and continue to settle my respective scores, and I am coming home. Who knows, maybe I’ll come back with a new name.